Every day and New Year starts and I’m glad for that.
Today is a new day like yesterday was a new day and tomorrow will be a new day and all those new days together if you add up 365 or depending on the year make it 366 is a new year.
I just don’t want to limit my happiness to a year so I’m just going to say Happy New
and I’m grateful that I can have my own perspective on things
and that I can find my inner self
and live my truth
after all ‘this above all to thine on self be true” has been going on for quite some time now
and when I’m there it’s wonderful.
I love the fact that Al Green is singing to me
and my cat’s looking at the fog through the screen on my balcony
and I have people I get to go be with today
and dance on a foggy sidewalk
and sing till my hair is Frizzy and wet
and I get to feel every bit of 101% humidity
because I’m alive.
And so very grateful for that.
I’m grateful for the dark days
and I’m still working on being grateful in the midst of them.
and Lucinda’s sitting in her apartment in Paradise going to tell you how grateful she is for life.
And the year that she’s had.
Let me go month by month as fast as I can
JANUARY
very dark
dark night of the Soul
FEBRUARY
went for help
got it
MARCH
light started to come in
was very obvious it was not a train
APRIL
upright
more
at the beach
feet in the sand
working with people
loving life
getting my sea legs back
MAY
starting to work with a mentor in England on my memoir
JUNE
thriving
JULY
thriving even more
AUGUST
still thriving in the sunshine of the spirit
SEPTEMBER
honing my writing skills
playing in the sand
meeting visitors
loving life
dancing with friends on the sidewalk
singing Harmony
entertaining people from a microphone and a captive audience stance
OCTOBER
a dimmer light
but still warm
still sunny
still hopeful
got some help and it helped
NOVEMBER
went back to Oklahoma
saw people that matter
came back to Paradise
had a bit of a bug
but that didn’t matter
because my spirit is still high
DECEMBER
here we sit
what a year
And I’m still here
FEBRUARY
I wanted to die and knew how to do it and where to go to make it happen
DECEMBER
I want nothing but the very opposite of that in fact I know there’s so much more coming there aren’t enough words and they’re certainly not enough time in these two minutes to tell you but I’m so clear so clear can I just say it again I’m so clear that so much is in gestation with me
Just look out 2023
and that’s time but just for now
so if you’re having a dark day in December
keep looking forward keep looking up.
And remember, there’d be no music if there weren’t rest so if you need some take some.
I bought a fancy light bulb the other day. Says it’ll be good for 13 years. All I could think was I hope I live long enough to buy 2 more.
2 of my dear friends have bookend birthdays on December 12th and 13th. The combined 2 day celebration of those 2 lives has been a delight. My inner child alive and well dancing on sidewalks and making hats out of paper plates alongside others.
It’s a recipe for magic. Because when people go to that place in their brain to create and do it in community, well, to try and describe it would be to try and tell you what a rose smells like. You just have to experience it.
My birthday is January 5th. My inner child has big plans to celebrate. A gathering around a table where people are creating at the same time. Across the street from the Gulf of Mexico.
It’s a recipe for magic. Because when people go to that place in their brain to create and do it in community, well, to try and describe it would be to try and tell you what a rose smells like. You just have to experience it.
I love numbers. And recently have learned a little bit about numerology. I know the number 333 is significant in terms of femininity, creativity and intuition. Many times when I am exploding between the ears with ideas, I will look to see 333 on the clock.
And as for intuition, I am honing in on mine like never before. That is command central for the connection between my soul and the Source that made me and all things.
When I awoke today to see 444 on my phone screen, I had to see what that was all about. And I’m here to tell you that this image and the words on it are true in my house. I am eager for the unfolding that lies ahead. And I feel every bit of it gestating as I speak.
I have created a beautiful life around the act of creating. Paint on a canvas, friends around the table, words on a page. The by-products are happy art, joyful gatherings, and a soul fully expressed.
It’s a recipe for magic. Because when I go to that place in my brain to create, to try and describe it would be to try and tell you what a rose smells like. And I get to experience it.
They don’t report the news anymore. But I’ve got news for you. If the creatives could step in and take over at CNN and make it the Creative News Network, headlines would be way different. “This just in – Creatives Meetup at SoWal House, Rosemary Beach, Florida. Reports show a massive exchange of laughter, love, listening and ideas. Some were seen to be dancing. Sources say they are plotting a creative renaissance, intent on healing planet Earth. News at 11.”
Last night, I got to be part of a creatives Meetup at SoWal House, a studio and events venue for creatives and entrepreneurs, in Rosemary Beach, Florida. As I went into the function, I said to the universe “Thanks in advance for whatever is about to happen,” and “Please help me not to try to make myself feel like I’m a rung above in order to feel as good as. Please help me to not have a mindset of condescension about the fact that the meeting takes place in a very affluent resort.” I have a history of feeling less than and this was an old tool I used, to tell myself I was a little better than, when I felt less than, trying to even it out, I guess. But the key word there is history.
I’m so glad I asked for all of that before I walked in because my connection to all of the people there was so beautiful. I love young people. They come in all ages. But the ones with more time on the clock are important.
I got to be in the company of fellow artists, writers, poets and mind-blowing photographers. Fashion designers, motivational speakers, videographers and marketers. A think tank with rhythm, a DJ and tacos too. I could not hold still. So, I didn’t. Wherever I was standing in the room, if the music moved me, I moved. These people are the next wave. The hope of things to come.
It’s such a powerful energy to have all of that in one room. Palpable. I get high as a kite when I’m around fellow creators because people that make art and use their words and gifts and ideas and imaginations heal the planet. Someone said to me, “I’ll have what she’s having”, and I laughed to myself because the strongest thing in my system was dark chocolate, coffee and my tenacious spirit.
Alexander Graham Bell, Vân Gogh, Mozart (Ford-the car, not the treatment center), Christopher Columbus the Wright Brothers, the Bumblebee – are all examples of things being done that either were not supposed to be possible or had not been done before. And all of it-has done nothing but enrich the lives of those who came long since the passing of those creatives.
I am living a personal renaissance. One that I feel spilling onto others who are the least bit receptive. I am not even trying. In fact, I am losing my voice, but my spirit talked over that last night, straining to be heard, as if on a mission. And while I had a pretty hearty cough once I settled in for sleep, it was worth it. I have been silent long enough.
I got in my car to drive home and the part of me that’s so afraid of the part of me that’s reaching for more tried to throttle me all the way home in the car. “You were just trying to get attention from people. You were too much of a spectacle…” all these horrible things. And I replied, “You just want to stay small. Because it is what you know. And that bothers you when I don’t, but that is not the life I am meant to have.”
Thank you, Dave King, for your vision and for holding space for what is bound to be a part of such great creating and healing. I look forward to what lies ahead!
Every morning I wake up to Joy. All I have to do is roll over and look at the wall and there she is. She hung on the wall in front of me, mesmerizing me, when I hung out at Stuff Dreams Are made of in Tulsa. My friend, and fellow mermaid lover, Kris Newlin is her creator and upon my exit plan to escape landlocked status for life on the Gulf of Mexico, she gave Joy to me.
I have had Joy for over two years, and only just decided that I think she is a mermaid, or a selkie.
There is a legend in the UK about the Selkie people, mythological creatures also known as seal people, sea people or mermaids. The symbol of a calm and bountiful temperament, some say selkies often appear to save the lives of children and fishermen who have fallen into the sea.
One tale tells of a fisherman who finds a female selkie’s seal skin on the beach, and hiding it from her, compels her to be his wife. But the wife will spend her time in captivity longing for the sea, her true home, and will often be seen gazing longingly at the ocean.
I relate to both. As a volunteer on the beach for two seasons one of my tasks was to blow a whistle so that I could try and keep people from being in the water when it was closed due to dangerous currents. I never wanted to be landlocked after falling in love with the sea on the beaches of New York as a little girl. But I chose landlocked life anyway, being married for 24 years, with no salt water anywhere nearby, always longing for the sea.
Everything about Joy moves me. That look on her face says safe and serene to me. Like she knows it is all going to be ok, or better, that it already is, despite the weight of her wings, rusty from the salt water. Her long hair, swirling. The light of the moon or the sun, don’t know which, doesn’t matter much. Because it’s a light source backing her up.
Her colors are my palette of choice when I paint. Something about sapphire blue and turquoise and periwinkle, when combined, that makes my heart happy.
The bird near her brain. That hits home. I have had a bird in my brain most of my life. People in white coats with lots of letters after their name concur. My favorite label is the most recent. “Lucinda, you have a Rich Cerebral Universe.” There. That settles it. I shall call my bird Rich.
And that little bit of barbed wire just above the head? I have felt like I have barbed wire in my brain. And that hurts. A lot.
I love Joy. She can swim AND she has wings. What a great metaphor for my life today and my wish for yours as well.
It’s 4:53 in the morning. The only sound I hear is a train whistle. Must be close. I can practically feel the tracks under the weight of the freight. I like it. It’s a comfort sound, reminding me of the part of my childhood spent living in Southern Illinois.
I can feel it coming. The sound and vibration drawing me in like a guided meditation.
Another childhood is asleep on the couch in the next room. My daughter Abby. Now a young adult at 25, living her life without training wheels. Do you know how hard it is to want to run alongside and keep her safe when that part of my job is over?
I just spent the week of Thanksgiving in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where Abby and I both grew up. She now lives two hours from there, so before I return to my beautiful life in Florida, I got to spend two days with just her. All to myself. Merry Christmas to me early.
The plan included good food, movies and rest for two people feeling under the weather. Just as well, because the weather was 40 degrees and rainy. We were right where we were supposed to be. Roasted chicken with sauteed spinach and garlic were on the menu next to spaghetti and Italian sausage and made from scratch marinara sauce ala Abby. “I like the dressing you made.” A big compliment from my offspring who once had a chef coat for watching Iron Chef, bakes Bon Appetit cakes from scratch and can make a mean standing prime rib. Previously accurate comments included, “mom, they make a thing called salt. Have you heard of it?”
The first movie up in the two day get well and be together sleepover was a ride in a time machine back 20 years. It opens with a breathtaking aerial view of the Austrian Alps. “That’s incredible footage. And that was before there were drones,” I said. “Probably filmed by some guy hanging out of a helicopter,” Abby said. Those hills were definitely alive.
The Sound of Music. In this beautiful film made over sixty years ago, there is a timeless message of anything is possible if you only believe in yourself, live your dreams and, against all odds, love always wins.
I was five years old when the movie was released. About the same age as Abby when she first saw it and when I started singing the song Edelweiss from the movie to her at bedtime. My house when I was little was built off the sound of the music my father and Abby’s grandfather made with his golden voice.
When Abby was a teenager, she said, “When I turn 18, I want us to get tattoos together. I want to write ‘forever’ in my writing for yours and I want you to write ‘bloom and grow’ for mine.” I never thought music from my voice could ever matter enough to another person that they would want a permanent message to remind them of their experience around that. I was deeply moved by her request.
The only tattoos I had at that point were four blue dots marking me as a target for radiation treatment. On a springtime visit to Oklahoma from Florida in 2021, we did it. Abby has “bloom and grow” in my cursive hand, across her collarbone. And, as you can see, I have “forever”, printed by her, on my wrist. I chose her printing over cursive because I wanted the youngest, most innocent version of her with me – forever.
I just had a vision of one of those time lapse film images of a rose bloom opening, on a loop.
Bloom and Grow Forever. I think it can be true for everyone. That’s what I see happening in me and hope for Abby to see in herself, too.
“When I left Oklahoma, driving in a Pontiac, just about to lose my mind, I was going to Arizona maybe on to California where people all live so fine.”
(My rewrite of said lyric)
“When I left Oklahoma, driving in a moving truck just about to find my mind, I was going through Alabama gonna land in Destin, Florida where I’m loving living life so fine.”
Funny thing- I sing Tulsa Time in Florida at a beachside cafe.
I got to spend Thanksgiving week in Tulsa,Oklahoma, where I got to visit friends new and old.
I got to see my best friend from the ninth grade, Rhonda Davis.
I got to eat amazing food and drink lots of coffee with great company.
I got puppy love round the clock.
I got to dance, oh man, what a band, at Maggie’s Music Box, every other Tuesday night!
I got to read at The Gypsy Coffee House on open mic night.
I got to make new friends with souls that have known mine for eons.
I got to make art with my community at Stuff Dreams are Made of, celebrating four years of so much that words can’t describe it.
And I met Joy there! AND there was a woman named Joy there!
And today, I get to go to Oklahoma City and spend two days with my daughter before I return home to my beautiful life at the beach.
I love my life. I love my friends. And don’t you know, I love my daughter. And I cannot wait to see what the Universe has in store for me today and forever more.
Keep looking forward, keep looking up.
And for ALL THESE THINGS, I am grateful. INFINITY.
My God Has Three Answers 